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Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A History of Hotness(From Barney's blog)
The following is an excerpt from my informative and well-received textbook tentatively titled “A History of Hotness.”
Martin Luther King Day(From Barneys Blog)
Today is Martin Luther King Day; he was a pretty awesome bro. He taught us to have dreams and stuff. So I thought I’d share with you mine:
I Have A Dream
I have a dream that one day all bros will rise up and live out the true meaning of their creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident - that all are boobs are created pretty good."
I have a dream that one day black and white chicks will come together in my bed.
I have a dream that all peoples of this great nation will suit up together and that polyester will be abolished forever.
I have a dream that one day, all tee-shirts will be wet and boob jobs will be free.
I have a dream that there will be a television network that shows only “Predator” 24 hours a day.
I have a dream that feels like I’m falling and then I wake up before I hit the ground. It happens a lot. Should I see a doctor or something?
I have a dream that babies don’t cry on planes, that men don’t wear Uggs, that “second base” replaces the handshake, that girls leave when you’re done, that there are no waits for cabs, that I can look at a woman’s chest area without getting a dirty look. Yeah, you wore that blouse because you don’t want me to look there.
I have a dream.
I Have A Dream
I have a dream that one day all bros will rise up and live out the true meaning of their creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident - that all are boobs are created pretty good."
I have a dream that one day black and white chicks will come together in my bed.
I have a dream that all peoples of this great nation will suit up together and that polyester will be abolished forever.
I have a dream that one day, all tee-shirts will be wet and boob jobs will be free.
I have a dream that there will be a television network that shows only “Predator” 24 hours a day.
I have a dream that feels like I’m falling and then I wake up before I hit the ground. It happens a lot. Should I see a doctor or something?
I have a dream that babies don’t cry on planes, that men don’t wear Uggs, that “second base” replaces the handshake, that girls leave when you’re done, that there are no waits for cabs, that I can look at a woman’s chest area without getting a dirty look. Yeah, you wore that blouse because you don’t want me to look there.
I have a dream.
Canadian Citizenship(From barneys blog)
The Official Canadian Citizenship Test for Canadian Citzenship
1) Do you want to be a Canadian?
2) Really?
3) Which is more fun?
eh) Watching hockey
b) Having Sex
4) Alex Trebek is ________
eh) Canadian
b) Creepy
c) Canadian and Creepy
5) Which country do you most wish you were really a citizen of?
eh) U.S.A.
b) All of the above
6) Moose are __________
eh) A National Treasure
b) Good eats
c) Proctoring this test
7) The colors of the Canadian Flag are:
eh) Red and White
b) Maple Syrup and Mountie
c) Cold
8) Canada's Biggest Export is:
eh) Petroleum
b) Teeth
c) Mustachioed Game Show Hosts
9) Boxing Day is:
eh) A Holiday celebrated the day after Christmas
b) A day devoted to punching people? The sounds awesome!
10) If you answered "yes" to questions 1 and 2, there is still time to back out. Just get up and walk away and no will be the wiser.
1) Do you want to be a Canadian?
2) Really?
3) Which is more fun?
eh) Watching hockey
b) Having Sex
4) Alex Trebek is ________
eh) Canadian
b) Creepy
c) Canadian and Creepy
5) Which country do you most wish you were really a citizen of?
eh) U.S.A.
b) All of the above
6) Moose are __________
eh) A National Treasure
b) Good eats
c) Proctoring this test
7) The colors of the Canadian Flag are:
eh) Red and White
b) Maple Syrup and Mountie
c) Cold
8) Canada's Biggest Export is:
eh) Petroleum
b) Teeth
c) Mustachioed Game Show Hosts
9) Boxing Day is:
eh) A Holiday celebrated the day after Christmas
b) A day devoted to punching people? The sounds awesome!
10) If you answered "yes" to questions 1 and 2, there is still time to back out. Just get up and walk away and no will be the wiser.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Bingo!
Every year Barney take the top 25 party schools and arrange them on a bingo card. The rules are simple*: Sleep with a collegiate hottie then mark her school on the board. Bingo = five in a row in any direction – up, down, across, upside down, missionary, etc.
*following prerequisites must be met for Bingo
1. Students must be currently enrolled. Don’t think you can knock Florida off your list just by visiting a strip club in Gainsville.
2. Spring break acquisitions may NOT be applied toward your Bingo sheet. This is supposed to be a challenge.
3. Students shall have completed one credit hour of a foreign language.
4. College mascots / members of the dance team will be considered invalid.
5. Student must be attending university in person – “getting a degree” online does not count in the same way that “having sex” online does not count.
6. Any conquests achieved during a 24 hour period following that school’s college world series win, NCAA basketball tournament triumph, or BCS bowl victory will be considered null and void.
7. Have fun!
Courtsy Barney Blog
*following prerequisites must be met for Bingo
1. Students must be currently enrolled. Don’t think you can knock Florida off your list just by visiting a strip club in Gainsville.
2. Spring break acquisitions may NOT be applied toward your Bingo sheet. This is supposed to be a challenge.
3. Students shall have completed one credit hour of a foreign language.
4. College mascots / members of the dance team will be considered invalid.
5. Student must be attending university in person – “getting a degree” online does not count in the same way that “having sex” online does not count.
6. Any conquests achieved during a 24 hour period following that school’s college world series win, NCAA basketball tournament triumph, or BCS bowl victory will be considered null and void.
7. Have fun!
Courtsy Barney Blog
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Everybody's Kung-Fu Fighting
Getting in a fight? Lame. Watching someone else fight? Awesome. While some of the great ones have already been settled (Alien v. Predator, Rocky v. Drago, thong v.underwear) others are still too close to call (blonde v. brunette). That being said, here are some great fights I would pay to see. Feel free to rock the vote on what you think the outcome would be. Note: Answer key at the bottom of the page.
(1) Super Lightweight Champion:
Canada v. France
Baguettes meet hockey sticks in a battle of places that feature cold temperatures, funny accents, and weird looking currency. Canada’s slight edge for its proximity to America and for producing Pamela Anderson is immediately nullified by the existence of French-Canadians.
Which is the “better” country: (A) Canada or (B) France?
(2) Middleweight Champion:
One celebrates growing wood, the other celebrates poles.
Who wins the battle of fantastic holidays: (A) Arbor Day or (B) Flag Day?
(3) Heavyweight Championship:
Trebek v. Sajak
This “showdown” recently opened up when undefeated World Champion, Bob Barker retired. Trebek’s knowledge of military warfare and history gives him a slight edge, though if Sajak connects with a right hook, it could be lights out: 25 years of spinning that wheel has turned his hand to iron and if he’s able to channel his silent rage over never taking a run at Vanna White, Sajak could leave Trebek’s face in the form of a question.
Vote in the Game Show Host Match-up: (A) Trebek or (B) Sajak?
(4) The Main Event:
Both events have been staples of debauchery since the bleary-eyed dawn of man. Both attract girls who will do almost anything for a reasonable fee of plastic beads. While Spring Break holds a geographical advantage (celebrated all over the globe), Mardi Gras rocks an impenetrable fortress – not even Mother Nature herself can ruin that party.
Who wins the slap down of debauchery: (A) Mardi Gras or (B) Spring Break?
Answer Key:
(1) Super Lightweight Champion:
Canada v. France
Baguettes meet hockey sticks in a battle of places that feature cold temperatures, funny accents, and weird looking currency. Canada’s slight edge for its proximity to America and for producing Pamela Anderson is immediately nullified by the existence of French-Canadians.
Which is the “better” country: (A) Canada or (B) France?
(2) Middleweight Champion:
One celebrates growing wood, the other celebrates poles.
Who wins the battle of fantastic holidays: (A) Arbor Day or (B) Flag Day?
(3) Heavyweight Championship:
Trebek v. Sajak
This “showdown” recently opened up when undefeated World Champion, Bob Barker retired. Trebek’s knowledge of military warfare and history gives him a slight edge, though if Sajak connects with a right hook, it could be lights out: 25 years of spinning that wheel has turned his hand to iron and if he’s able to channel his silent rage over never taking a run at Vanna White, Sajak could leave Trebek’s face in the form of a question.
Vote in the Game Show Host Match-up: (A) Trebek or (B) Sajak?
(4) The Main Event:
Both events have been staples of debauchery since the bleary-eyed dawn of man. Both attract girls who will do almost anything for a reasonable fee of plastic beads. While Spring Break holds a geographical advantage (celebrated all over the globe), Mardi Gras rocks an impenetrable fortress – not even Mother Nature herself can ruin that party.
Who wins the slap down of debauchery: (A) Mardi Gras or (B) Spring Break?
Answer Key:
Dear Santa
Dear Santa,
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been extra special good this year, even taking on some of your work load… by stuffing as many stockings as I can. So it’s with great admiration and what I’m sure is mutual respect that I humbly submit to you my Christmas list for this year. And bro, if you have a sec, wake me up -- I’d really like to talk to you about how you sneak out of so many women’s houses undetected. I’m good, but I’m not that good.
Happy Holidays,
Barney Stinson
P.S. I left you a glass of twelve-year-old single malt. Milk? Let’s get serious, bro.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been extra special good this year, even taking on some of your work load… by stuffing as many stockings as I can. So it’s with great admiration and what I’m sure is mutual respect that I humbly submit to you my Christmas list for this year. And bro, if you have a sec, wake me up -- I’d really like to talk to you about how you sneak out of so many women’s houses undetected. I’m good, but I’m not that good.
Happy Holidays,
Barney Stinson
P.S. I left you a glass of twelve-year-old single malt. Milk? Let’s get serious, bro.
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